You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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