u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize