I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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