508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
