I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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