In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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