For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
