no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
