i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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