Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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