with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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