to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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