yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
