Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
