You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
