Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
