He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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