Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
