I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
