He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
