Michael Bay diarrhea
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
