dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
