I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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