dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
