Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
