Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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