You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
