Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
