Someone shit on the floor
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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