we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
