Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
