I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
