stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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