over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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