Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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