look no pants
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
