how can u be prego again
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
