Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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