I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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