I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
