My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
