I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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