it hurts more in the daytime
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
