You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
