I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
