hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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