Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize