I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
