then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
