so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
