i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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