Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize