Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
