Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
