if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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