I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
