We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
