you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
