My first STD was from a foam party
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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