Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
