when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
