To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My penis needs a shock collar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
