can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
