im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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