Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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