went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
