your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
