yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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